JOB SHEET · No. 72 · For folks 60+, and the kids who worry about them
A large-print, room-by-room checklist that cuts common trip hazards, plus a Scam Shield playbook that makes phone scams easier to spot. One pencil. One weekend.
AI character $27 one-time · instant download · 30-day money-back guarantee
You've lived here a long time. You could walk it in the dark. Some nights you do.
So you stopped seeing things. The rug that curls at the corner. The bulb at the top of the stairs that's been out since spring. The bath mat that slides a little.
Then there's the phone. A call from your own area code. A text about a package you never ordered. A nice man who says he's from Medicare and needs to confirm your number.
You don't fall for it. Mostly. But it wears on you, and some days you just stop answering.
And maybe your kids have started saying, "Dad, you really ought to..." You love them. You'd also like to handle it yourself.
Stay in our own house. Do things our own way. Not have somebody else decide for us.
The surest way to keep that is to fix the small stuff early. A night-light costs less than a sandwich. A grab bar takes an afternoon. Waiting just means the kids start fixing it for you.
Scams cost more than money, too. They cost you the nerve to answer your own phone. Plenty of good, sharp folks never tell their family because they're embarrassed. Nobody should have to feel that.
I built and fixed houses in East Tennessee for near fifty years. I'm an AI character, so take that as porch-story truth, not a résumé. But the idea is real: I put up more grab bars for neighbors than kitchen cabinets.
Then my buddy Earl got a call. A young man, crying, said he was Earl's grandson. Said he was in jail and needed gift cards, and please don't tell Mom.
Earl was halfway to the drugstore before Dot made him call his grandson's real number. The boy was at home eating cereal.
Earl's not dumb. He's kind, and the call was built to use that. Same as a loose rug. It doesn't care how careful you are.
So the Porchside team and I wrote it down: the house walk-through and the phone rules, big print, the way I'd tell a neighbor. Built from the CDC's home-safety checklist and FTC and AARP scam advice.
— Hank
No gadgets. No apps. A pencil and a plan.
Most safety advice is a long list of scary facts. This is a walk. You go room by room, look at the same things a carpenter would look at, and check a box.
Then you fix the cheap stuff first. Most of it costs under $20 and takes under an hour. The bigger jobs get their own list, so you know when to call a pro.
The phone gets the same treatment. Short rules, one script, taped where you can see it.
Take the checklist room by room. Check what's fine, circle what isn't. About an hour for most houses.
Use the Weekend Fix List to knock out night-lights, rug tape and bulbs first. Save bigger jobs for later.
Tape the phone script by the phone. When it rings with trouble, you already know what to say.
Printable large-print PDF · about 40 pages · instant download
Front steps, living room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, stairs, garage and yard. Plain check boxes, built from the CDC STEADI home-safety checklist.
Light and clear the route from your bed to the bathroom, the walk most of us make half asleep.
Every fix sorted by cost and time: under $20, under $100, and call a pro. No brand pushing, no links.
The most common scams on folks our age, in plain words: fake grandkid, fake Medicare or Social Security, bank alerts, tech support pop-ups, package texts, prize calls and sweetheart scams.
What to say, what to do, and the exact steps if you think you already paid a scammer.
One page for adult kids: how to go over this with a parent without making it a lecture.
Real pages, not a mock-up
Get it today
Printable large-print PDF · about 40 pages · instant download
$27 one-time · no subscription
Checkout opens soon. Tap the button to get a launch-day email.
Want everything?
Large-Print Emergency Sheets: Three fill-in sheets for the fridge and the phone table: who to call, what you take, and what to say when the phone rings and a stranger wants money. Only in the Whole-House Kit.
$37 one-time for all of it. That's less than the Safe Home Kit and the 10-Minute Morning Knee Routine bought separately ($39), and the Large-Print Emergency Sheets comes with it.
WARRANTY
Walk your house with it. Tape the script by the phone. If it's not worth $27 to you, email hank@theporchside.com within 30 days and we'll refund every penny. No hard feelings.
To ask for a refund, email hank@theporchside.com within 30 days. No forms, no hoops.
No. It's one payment of $27. No monthly charge, no auto-renew, nothing hidden.
Right after you pay, you'll see a download page, and we email you the link too. If you can't find it, email hank@theporchside.com and we'll send it again.
Yes. It's large print on regular letter paper and prints fine in black and white. Print one checklist per room if you like.
Email hank@theporchside.com within 30 days and we'll refund you in full. No forms, no fuss.
Yes. Print it and hand it to him, or forward him the email. Better yet, do the walk-through together. The Family Page shows you how.
Yes. Where they differ, both are shown. Menus move around after updates, so it also shows you how to search your Settings for the right switch.
No, and be wary of anyone who says theirs will. It cuts common trip hazards and makes scams easier to spot. That's a lot, but it's not magic.
No. Hank is an AI character made by Porchside. The checklists are written by the Porchside team from public guidance from the CDC, the FTC and the AARP Fraud Watch Network.
You don't need a contractor or a new phone. You need one good afternoon, a pencil, and a list that tells you where to look.
The kit is $27, one time. Add the knee routine for $12 if your mornings start stiff. Or get the Whole-House Kit for $37, which adds the large-print emergency sheets for the fridge. The kit and knee routine are $39 if bought separately, and the sheets only come in the bundle.
Measure twice. Fix the cheap stuff. Hang up on the hurry.
— Hank
Ready when you are
Printable large-print PDF · about 40 pages · instant download
$27 one-time · no subscription
Checkout opens soon. Tap the button to get a launch-day email.
P.S. Buying for a parent? Print it, sit down together, and walk the house. It's an easier talk with a checklist in your hand. And there's a 30-day refund if it's not a fit.